Everything is a spell

softening to possibility

No comet, no nebula, no ray of light can fathom the landscape of awe, the heat of shame. The fingertips pulling the first gray hair and throwing it away. I can't imagine it, the stars say. Tell us again about goosebumps. Tell us again about pain.

— Andrea Gibson

On this sleepy Tuesday afternoon, I am feeling so very much with very few words to describe it.

I was scrolling through my Google Drive & found a copy of my senior thesis, which was all about the synergy between human and non-human things—more specifically, botanical gardens and humans. It’s about feeling underneath the surface of words, felt states, and the body.

Throughout the piece, I constantly return to and weave in this Brian Massumi quote: “[…] for the skin is faster than the word.”

I used to cringe at the idea of rereading my senior thesis, but reading it now, I feel so proud. I feel the younger version of myself grappling with & exploring & making sense of that which has no words. Which, really, mirrors my life experience in trying to make sense of my world, the things I was feeling in my body and couldn’t quite express or define.

It’s sweet to read my thesis back while being at a stage in my life where I can feel my body—like truly feel my body. I find possibilities for softening and I lean in and let myself melt into what’s there. I have reverence for the tiny simplicities of my life and can actually feel the reverence instead of just talking about & analyzing & overthinking the reverence—something that I used to always do.

The softening is a spell. My body is a spell. When I look around me, everything I see and experience is a spell.

The sky, the sand, my daily walk
What I cooked for dinner last night
The river, the moss, the clouds
My cat’s paws
An orange peel
Golden hour sunlight
Yes, even the cup of water I’m drinking

All generous teachers for the things I forget and remember and forget again.
All generous reminders to drop back into my body when I’ve strayed too far.
All generous hints at moving slower than the slowest part of you.

I feel so lucky that I get to experience the full spectrum of being human. The gray hairs, the painful cramps, the sunshine on my shoulders, the heartbreak. All of it is magical.

These days, I want to lean into the aliveness around me, the thrum of my local coffee shop, the hum of my heart.

Let this be a spell for embracing what’s in front of you, slowing down, and savoring the moment.

<3
Christie