Not everyone wants to heal

on white knuckling your way through life

This week has felt inspiring to me in various ways. I streamlined scheduling processes in my business, had some delicious coworking sessions, took sun-drenched walks, and felt the closeness of spring.

As I return to the rhythm of sharing on Substack again, I continue to revisit the archives of things I wrote in early February. I’m going to share another one here, all about healing & projection & pain:

Recently, I stumbled upon a two-part Instagram reel that touched my heart deeply. A woman was detailing her healing journey from chronic pain / anxiety. She was in awe as she spoke about her transformative process & profound healing she experienced, passionate about sharing her process in the hopes that it would resonate with someone.

In the second reel, though, she opened up about the unexpected backlash she faced when she decided to share her story. Despite her genuine desire to share her process, she was met with vitriol, disgust, and disbelief. She experienced criticism for being perceived as irresponsible & uninformed & reckless while spreading misinformation.

She was, naturally, bewildered by this response because she was sharing her personal experience, what worked specifically for her — not claiming to be an expert or dictating universal truths.

Dear reader, what I know by now is this: people would sooner white knuckle their way through life, gripping to the very things that keep them small and disempowered, than heal their shit and let go of that which makes them comfortable.

I sometimes forget that people can feel threatened by the possibility of personal transformation. And yet, a random person on Instagram sharing their healing experience isn’t forcing you to change your life. Healing is, after all, a choice.

It’s a choice to face your darkness. It’s a choice to admit that the easier thing is to numb yourself. It’s a choice to get to the root of your patterns & anxiety & fear. It’s a choice to heal your trauma. It’s a choice to take responsibility for the places you create your own suffering.

Dear reader, you are not flawed or deficient; your journey is perfect as it is. But the discomfort that arises when you feel challenged by another's path toward healing is a sign that you’re not listening to yourself, your body.

If you feel the need to berate someone who shares their experience, it is likely because you perceive their sharing as a direct challenge to your own comfort & sense of self.

So, I ask you:

Where can you embrace more openness and understanding?
Where can you expand your capacity for discomfort?
Where are you available to step outside of your comfort zone?
What identities are you gripping onto?
What can you let go of?

Sometimes, the solace we seek lies in the discomfort we fear.

May you all release the white-knuckle grip to things that keep you small. May you release the grasping to old versions of yourself. May you find solace in the discomfort. May you hold your shadows with gentle care.

I really love the spiciness with which early-February me was writing.

Sometimes the solace we seek lies in the discomfort we fear — thank you to an earlier version of me for this reminder that I often forget & remember & forget & remember again.

May you all grant yourself grace in your process of forgetting & remembering.

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After an almost-month off, I’ve decided to leave my IN THE PORTAL and EARTH SPELLS sections, which are usually behind the paywall, open for all readers.

If you’d like to receive these sections weekly, I encourage you to sign up for a paid subscription! Your support leaves me in gratitude.

All that to say — here’s what’s been circulating in my portal of delights these last few weeks ~

🕯️ I HIGHLY recommend this conversation: Gaza Besieged, Jews Divided, & a World in Pain: Gabor, Aaron, & Daniel Maté in Conversation

💡 And this one: Daniel Maté responds to Brené Brown’s statement on Gaza

🍉 I posted this last week & feel called to post again — take a look at this Gaza Action Toolkit, a great starting place for anyone who’s not sure where to begin

💌 Our assignment here on earth: each other

💔 Devastating drone footage of the before & after destruction in Gaza from Israeli airstrikes… renders me speechless

🔥 I have been reading (devouring) A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J. Maas

🪽 You Don’t Understand How Bad It Is Here — necessary reading

🪐 New SZA song!!!

🦋 Tips for a meditation practice

🌫️ Sun Gets Enemy — wow

😳 This Wealth Shown to Scale graph is….. incomprehensible

👁️ Spotify recommended hella (˃̣̣̥╭╮˂̣̣̥) ✧ ♡ ‧º·˚ to me, so I’ve been listening to it while working

🗺️ The Novel, The Map by Hanna Grieco

🔺 Alabama’s embryo court ruling… no words

💔 Devastated by the news of Nex Benedict’s death

🎧 This delightful performance of Fast Car by Tracy Chapman & Luke Combs from the Grammy’s

💦 This cover of Redbone

🔮 Creativity for Healing & Transformation — I enjoyed this conversation between Emma Zeck and James McCrae

❤️‍🩹 Books in the rubble… what else will it take for people to comprehend the devastation in Gaza?

🌅 I listened to these two episodes of The Daily: Stranded in Rafah as an Israeli Invasion Looms and The Alabama Ruling That Could Stop Families From Having Kids

🌸 “I’m changed by everything I’ve lived through, but I’m also not bound by everything that I’ve lived through.” adrienne maree brown always blows me away.

🌑 Obsessed with Moonlight Scorpio these days

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Playing around before my daily walk ~ delightful snow, cara cara oranges, golden winter light. When I look hard enough, beauty & ritual infuse every part of my life. 🍊❄️🌞

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<3
Christie