Reflections on 28 years
birthday blessings
28 years of being Christie, 28 rotations around the sun, what a joy it is to be alive!
It is August 2, one day before my actual birthday, & I am coming out of a pre-birthday bodywork session feeling grounded and refreshed.
Historically, my birthday has always come with some stress, grief, & fear. In the past, I really shamed myself for wanting a true celebration. I also pretended to be the “chill girl” that didn’t care about what I did for my birthday — I am counting my lucky stars that this phase is over.
This year, I started my birthday week (yes, week — I am a Leo, after all) off with a nourishing trip to the ocean. It was everything & more, a moment to really be present with what my body was telling me.
On my actual birthday, I’ll be spending the entire day at a spa in full relaxation, work-free, phone-free mode. And this upcoming Saturday, I’ll have a little picnic/swim celebration with my nearest and dearest who can join.
The thing is, I used to shame myself for wanting a week-long celebration of rituals and nourishing activities to reflect on my last year and drop into a new year. But alas, pretending to be the ‘chill girl’ has never once served me, & neither has hiding my desire(s).
I’ve spent a lot of time alchemizing the shame and have arrived at a much more magical place of love and joy and allowing myself to receive the gifts of being seen. Really, my inner child is delighted about a week-long celebration filled with ocean time and bodywork and spa rituals and picnics and swimming.
I thought it would be fun to make a list of reflections on being alive. In no particular order:
○✧･ﾟ What I carry the most shame about is where my freedom lies. Follow that thread.
○✧･ﾟ Every moment I am alive is a precious miracle — it all goes so fast.
○✧･ﾟ I will never regret a swim.
○✧･ﾟ Sunshine on my shoulders and feet in the grass is the quickest way back to my body.
○✧･ﾟ Deprivation and restriction of any kind is the quickest way to kill my soul.
○✧･ﾟ My inner teen and inner child are loving rascals who deserve all of adult Christie’s parenting and attention.
○✧･ﾟ There is no such thing as blame or fault. Everything is a co-creation, a mirror. Where can I take responsibility for my part? Where am I being shown my own reflection?
○✧･ﾟ Play and magic are core values of mine — I don’t need to stifle these sides of me as a mode of self-protection anymore. I am safe to express.
○✧･ﾟ My hider patterns helped me stay alive, and I no longer need their protection.
○✧･ﾟ Homemade mango ice cream with cacao nibs and waffles and whipped cream and maple syrup and bacon are PERFECT birthday morning breakfast foods to be savored and enjoyed.
○✧･ﾟ A daily walk (or two) is a necessary nutrient for staying centered.
○✧･ﾟ I am not meant to live in the city. I love it there, but trying to fit into that shape was soul-sucking.
○✧･ﾟ Jealousy is not toxic. No, it’s actually a powerful mirror for what I’m desiring in my own life.
○✧･ﾟ My body has all the answers.
○✧･ﾟ I will never be a traditional person with a traditional job and traditional work hours. That is okay (and honestly, preferred).
○✧･ﾟ Outsourcing my worth has always ended in devastation. I have all the approval and love and permission and validation that I need. It was always inside of me.
○✧･ﾟ My inner child is hilarious and perfect and honestly deserves more ‘screen time,’ if you will.
○✧･ﾟ My artist doesn’t need to look like someone else’s artist. I am not a machine.
○✧･ﾟ I move and work and flow at the pace my body sets, not at the pace of some external person or organization or thing.
○✧･ﾟ I love being alive. I love the full spectrum of being a human being. Like the messy, ugly, everything. Even when it’s uncomfortable.
Truly, I love the life I’ve created for myself. I really feel overflowing with love and expansiveness and joy for all that I’ve shed and all that I’ve let myself have. This is my greatest wish for everyone.
May this next year bring me deeper to truth. May I find deeper clarity, joy, and embodiment. May I expand my capacity for all that there is. And may there be more ocean swimming.
<3
Christie