When things no longer fit

i don't need a body that fits my clothes, i need clothes that fit my body

Dec 20, 2023

On letting go of shapes that no longer fit and discerning when it’s time to let go

Dear reader,

To write today’s newsletter, I must walk you through a mundane Wednesday morning I had last week. Let us rewind.

Wednesday : a sleepy morning in the gentle embrace of a winter gray sky. I tried on a pair of jeans — an old favorite pair — that no longer fit. Feeling slightly dejected for about 10 minutes but ready to wear something that did fit, I quickly changed into my trusty, cozy leggings & got started with my work day.

My day unfolded chapter by chapter, and after I got bored of working at home, I opted for the neighborhood coffee shop. For this occasion, I decided to put on real pants, and I settled on a pair of navy corduroys that fit, albeit tightly.

Hours passed, accompanied by the gentle hum of baristas and people coming and going. Fast forward to returning home from the coffee shop : I was late for a call but wanted to get back into leggings, so I took off my corduroys and moved on.

And in the moment of taking off my pants, I noticed something : a deep feeling of relief from my belly and my hips. Relief!! In the simplicity of shedding one layer for another lives the reminder that sometimes, comfort, freedom, and liberation arrive in the letting go.

Thank you, body, for reminding me of something I often come back to:

Why do we force ourselves into shapes that no longer fit?

For me, the first pair of pants I tried on in the morning was clearly no longer a fit, and it was easy to take them off and set them aside in the Donate pile. But in retrospect, I see that when a pair of pants kind of fit but are maybe uncomfortably tight, I still choose to wear the pants.

I want to pause here to say that I’m proud of myself for not lingering on any punishing, critical, overly judgemental, or negative self-talk. If I tried on a pair of pants that no longer fit a few years ago, it probably would’ve sent me into a tailspin.

I have done so much work to heal this part of me. To say to myself, it’s okay to expand, it’s okay to be soft, it’s okay to grow, and you are still worthy of love even if your pants don’t fit. Especially if your pants don’t fit.

Now, I’m working with the part of me that wants to make it work. The part of me that says, “Well, it still fits… it’s just a bit tight.” Sure, this is true. But it’s actually uncomfortable, not to mention damaging, to hold my belly in so tight.

I deserve to have clothes that fit my body. I do not need to have a body that fits my clothes.

I am no longer willing to force myself into shapes that are no longer sustainable. I said it last week & I’ll say it again — force will never be a loyal friend on the path to healing. We all deserve better from ourselves.

I think of my inner child, who had the newest The Pussycat Dolls album and was bewildered at how skinny Nicole Scherzinger was on the cover. I thought to myself, should I also look like this? I also think of my inner teen, who refused to eat anything but salad and almonds for lunch & would look up thinspo on Tumblr. (What a nightmare.)

I am rewriting the script & letting go of these final threads of force.

Most of all, I am lending myself the love and permission that I so easily lend to my loved ones. I deserve that same love and permission, too.

May we all write our inner children and inner teens love letters for a brighter future. May we all let go of anything that tells us we should be smaller. May we only entertain the shapes that fit.

🔴🔹🔶🟨🔻⚪️🟫

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Thank you for reading sacred attention ~ gratitude abounds.

<3
Christie